Here's the bottom line: I was always thin until my early twenties, but never ate healthily. (And I always felt about 4 sizes too fat to be beautiful. That's a secret I have kept for the last 15 years. And another secret: Before I felt fat, I just felt ugly. I thought no one would ever really love me, because I was so ugly) When we were kids, treats didn't last long. If we got snack cakes, we would gorge on 3 or 4 before anyone else could. Baking cookies? Mom would have me make a double or triple batch. Brownies? 2 pans. Pudding? 4 times the recipe. Yes, there were 8 of us, but WOW! That is a lot of food! And like I said, it never lasted long.
Sweets (my biggest weakness by far) aside, we just never ate healthy food or healthy portions unless my dad was home. Polar Pop and a Snickers bar were my typical college breakfast.
Here are my truths:
1) I am NOT my mother! I CAN break this cycle of craving food, BUT ONLY through Christ.
2) I do NOT want my girls to see my eat this way and repeat my struggles.
3) Being thin is no longer my biggest goal in this journey, being healthy is;
4) I am going to have to maintain the eating plan I am striving to follow, long term.
5) I am okay with that. Because I a) REFUSE to be fat, or b) unhealthy in my eating habits.
So I have been doing yoga 2-3 times a week, and running 3-4 times a week. I feel great! I can see the results already...I feel FREE! I'm so close to my true Father, taking in his creation, using my body well, when I run. And so I just talk to him, and I feel his presence. Okay, and we listen to a lot of Tom Petty together. What can I say, He's a great Dad!
thanks for this. I think you're beautiful, but i know your struggles well, too. As someone who has struggled with weight (and still does. According to some scales, I'm 50 lbs overweight), and feeling pretty, and feeling WORTH something...I know it's a huge struggle. I'm going to start a study on the book "Made to Crave" with Jenna soon. You should join us. It's about overcoming what we think we need (food) and focusing on what we do need (Jesus).
ReplyDeleteLove you. Will be praying for you through this journey.
Thanks:)
DeleteI have actually been reading made to crave, and it's great!!! you will love it...it gets better further in, too. And thanks for the invite, Friend:)
It is, so hard, isnt it? I have lost a lot of my extra weight, but I gained 100 pounds with my first baby, lost about 80, gained 40 with the next, lost about 50 after...and I was completely down on myself the whole time, until the last year or so. And I'm definitely not feeling perfect now. But so much better!!
I would love to hear your take on the book once ypu finish it!!